“In its rough state, a diamond is fairly unremarkable in appearance. The act of polishing a diamond and creating flat facets in symmetrical arrangement brings out the diamond’s hidden beauty in dramatic fashion.”
I am a diamond in the rough and I’m working on carving myself into a brilliant piece of the hardest material on earth. Diamonds are tough and beautiful, but they can break and even shatter if chiseled in the wrong spot or carelessly smashed with a hammer. So one must have a steady hand and observant eye to realize the potential of such a gem.
I don’t have that. I just have me.
I have a shaky hand and I’m not an expert on diamonds. I am, however, an expert on me and try as you might to tell me who I am, you can’t. So it is I who is carving myself out of rock. I’m scared as I raise my shaky hands to work because I know I can fuck it up.
I HAVE fucked it up and I’ve cried as I looked at those pieces of myself laying on the floor. Those pieces I still wanted but no longer have. I’ll never be able to glue them back on so I can only look back to the rest of me still on the table. I know I should be ok with it all but it still hurts like a motherfucker so let me mourn those losses.
I’ll keep working through the tears.
Because when I carve through this rock and get it right and when I have cut off the ugly pieces, I discover new and brilliant facets of myself. I am proud and happy, and I shine.
Sometimes when I do fail, I feel like I disappoint you but my promise never was to be perfect. It was to always keep trying. I promise I’m still trying. So please stick around because although I’m doing this for me and will continue doing this without you, it is so much easier to take those risks when I have you here with me.